She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
