Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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