i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
