the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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