I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
