can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
