Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.