Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
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If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation