Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die