I could have mohawked her pubes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off