Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.