you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
