Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize