i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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