1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
