Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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