youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
