I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
