I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
