yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
