Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
