EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
