So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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