The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
