She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
