Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
