there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
