Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
