Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i came on her dog
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
