peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
