he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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