I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
