I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can text with my tongue
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
