Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
