i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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