that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
