please come you make the beer taste better
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
