its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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