I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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