Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
