remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
