Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
