So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
