I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
