He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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