onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
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You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
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My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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