I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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