he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
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He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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