You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
