if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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