I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
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Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I deserve this hangover.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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