I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
