24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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