Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
