I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
