At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
