Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Randomize
