I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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