When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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