Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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