can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
