I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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