Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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