Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
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