I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
