dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
