I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
do herpes really smell.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
