somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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